One more week done... and questions still remain unanswered....

Hey yall!

I woke up this morning and couldn't believe it was already Friday! I just don't even know when this week went by! I got my beta results on Tuesday and they weren't as low as they should've been. They were at 25.07, when it should've been closer to ZERO. Although the bleeding stopped altogether, a couple of days ago I had a few spots, don't know where they came from.... but there they were, and the nothing again....

So I called the doc and he just told me to repeat the beta in another couple of weeks. It's just annoying to be frank about it! I feel fine, but it just worries me that he's missing something. I don't know....I'm just going to try to relax this weekend, probably do a lot of cleaning around the house and some gardening work too, I have to move 2 pine trees and I haven't gotten around to it yet!


Hope everyone will have a great weekend!!!

Happy Monday... with interesting facts about PCOS, ttc, and misscarriage

Hey yall!

I must say I'm not a fan of Mondays or early mornings, but today it was both. After a fairly quiet weekend, although I worked on Saturday, I had to go in this morning for the last beta test I'll see in a while. I had to get up bright and early, when it was still dark outside (somehow that's just not natural...lol), and had to go get blood drawn before going into work this morning. I'll have the result tomorrow at about noon, and they should be back to that non-pregnant value :(

I am somewhat relieved because the bleeding did stop altogether and it seems I won't need a D&C, whew!!!
But I have been reading up on things and I'm starting to wonder why in God's name would the doctors that we've seen let us conceive on our own, when there are so many complications with PCOS and undocumented ovulation. I'm still excited that we were able to get pregnant, but it's stupid that I had to go through a misscarriage just for the heck of it.

I've learned 2 very important things this weekend, by reading a great book, and they are:

1. Ovulation that happens after day 20 of the cycle (which is likely for me, since I have a 32-day cycle) produces eggs that are not viable and that lead to misscarriage.
2. Conception that occurs later than 12 hours after ovulation is at risk for misscarriage, because the egg begins to desintegrate. So sex should happen before, but definetely not after, because it would just be pointless.

So now I go back to the issue of doctors..... what kind of stupid cruel joke is this to subject us to such disappointment, and a possible D&C just for kicks? Isn't it simpler to just tell us to be patient and not try while we're only on Metformin, before we had a chance to document ovulation, and just start trying when we start the Clomid treatment? Now we're put back a few months, but I decided to take some important steps during this time in educating myself more and making sure we go about this proccess the right way. I'm starting a BBT chart, and getting an ovulation monitor and when it's time to start trying again, we'll be sure to do this right.

Don't get me wrong, I know there's millions of other reasons things could've went south for, but why not try to eliminate the reasons that are in our power to control, rather that trusting everything to faith?

Hope everyone is having a brilliant week and Happy Monday!!!

Busy working week filled with worries of what's to come...

Yesterday I found myself in a crazy work day, as today was as well. One of our client has an expo stand and I had to go on-site to monitor the set-up team. As I was on my feet all day, I got these horrible cramps and pains, I could feel the blood pouring out, which is gross, I know, I'm sorry, I'm hoping it'll be done soon too so I can talk about something more cheerful.

I'm half way into the vial treatment, and it doesn't seem to be doing much, although work may have something to do with that as well. In the mornings the bleeding is really light, today almost stopped, but after 6 hours on my feet it was right back where I started. Either way, I can avoid work, so tomorrow night we'll know what's next.

I got home last night after 10pm, so all I had strenght to do was shower and go to bed, so I didn't have a chance to take a photo of the HPT, but I'll add that in later into the post. For now I'm putting up the last u/s I took. This was at 6w4d, and you can see the bleeding starting to happen, the whitish part/mass around the gestational sac (black round thing...which is obviously empty...lol...but not really).

Hope everyone is having a better week than I am!!!

And he're the HPT as well...

Worries....worries....worries....

Hey yall

Today is weird for me. I drank the first vial of Ergometrin today, and so far no change, I wasn't expecting anything this soon, as the treatment is for 3 days, but I am worried because the flow was pretty heavy today, compared to the weekend, and I'm still passing tissue. (Sorry if anyone is grossed out)

So even though I am supposed to get a D&C done if the bleeding doesn't stop, I'm freaking out that the bleeding will stop and I will have not passed all the tissue and I'll end up having to do a D&C regardless to eliminate the rest of the tissue. I'm super scared, I'm trying to avoid hospitals at all costs!!!

Tomorrow I promise to put up a picture of the HPT and u/s of the baby that wasn't meant to be, just in memory, and to have something to remember this time by. I'll probably put them in a scrapbook too at home.

Best regards and blessing to all!

Background info - Then and Now

Hey eveyone! I don't know yet who will read this blog, but I hope, whoever finds it will discover an interesting read, a useful resource and a trusted TTC buddy.

I have created this blog, after reading many TTC blogs from women around the world and especially watching some great vlogs on youtube. I cannot do a vlog, because we try to keep our stuggle private, as far as family goes, because after a year and a half  of trying we're already tired of everyone asking us what is happening, why we don't have a kid yet and stuff like this. It turns out even family can be so insensitive and can talk without thinking first and hurt our feelings quite often. So I will start this first blog with a short summary of our TTC journey.

I've come off the pill in May 2010. We weren't trying expressly for a baby, because we knew there would be some time after going off the pill when we might not succeed. Come September, my period was about 11 days late, so our hope started to built, but when taking a HPT it was negative and my period arrived 2 days later. When returning from vacation we decided it's time to do something about it and we sought professional help. We went to a fertility specialist and he told us that my ovaries have a micro-polycystic aspect, which is a big name for the popular PCOS. After reading up on the diagnosis I realized I had about 80% of the symptoms listed. I was then referred to a endocrynologist, who put me on Metformin.

I had some differences with that doctor and misunderstandings so I switched to one who was more patient and explained to me everything that was going on. After many test and 8 months of metformin, we were supposed to start Clomid (Clomiphene) treatment on the September cycle. However, while on vacation we took a HPT because I had severe pregnancy symptoms and it was a faint positive. I called my Ob-gyn, and he told me to go in for  Beta HCG testing when I got back from vacation and then to go see him for a u/s.

At 5w2d beta was 439.3, which is low supposedly, and at the u/s he could only see a gestational sack of about 2.5mm, which is also low. He said it may be that I just ovulated late and that I should repeat both procedures in a week. So at 6w2d beta was 1026, which is not good, as you can tell, it wasn't doubling, and at the u/s the sac was only 4.5mm. I double checked with a 2nd doctor and a 2nd u/s and the verdict was the same. The pregnancy was stopped in evolution. By this time I started spotting for about a week and my symptoms went down dramatically. On the last u/s the doc showed me the bleeding, it was obvious. A couple of days after the u/s I started bleeding more heavily and having really bad cramps, similar to a period but continuous. This was 4 days ago.

I've been trying to call my OB-GYN all weekend, but he's hard to reach. I finally wrote him a SMS and he responded just minutes ago as I was writing the blog entry. He told be to take 2 vials of Ergometrine Maleate per day for 3 days. It's supposed to stop the bleeding. If it doesn't stop I'll need to go in for a D&C, which to me is very scary. I'm allergic to many things, so I'm scared of anesthesia, and I'm horribly scared of hospitals and doctors too, I was never is any surgeries and the only intervention was for polyps and I ended up with a stupid doctor that operated after the anesthetic wore of... so it hurt like hell, and that's when my paranoia of doctors started.


So this is NOW, mixed feelings, scared but trying to stay hopeful. I'll make an update tomorrow after starting on the vials.