Week 4 Pregnancy Vlog - sorry for losing it a bit in the video....

BFP with issues of its own!!!

Wow, I dread writting this blog now, I wish I made time yesterday to do a vlog so you could've seen how happy I was! I was over the moon this morning as I peed on a Digital Clearblue test and it showed that beautiful + sign in under a minute.... I put it in a pretty box and hid it at the bottom of hubby's birthday present!

I woke him up, way to early, cause it was the first time I took a digital and didn't know how long it stays on after you take it. He saw his present and then I had to tell him to dig to the bottom to find the box. So he looked at the boxed and leaned in the kiss me, and I told him it's more important what's inside.... so he opened it.... he was in shock, as I was the day before when I found out! We didn't expect this at all this cycle... to quote my previous post, I didn't think PIGS could FLY... and here they were.....

And then, after a moment of joy.... that all too familiar face came on... the "WHAT IF" face..... I know it all too well! And I knew.... he couldn't be happy with all his heart until he knew it was all ok.... and the truth is.... so am I, only that I get my excitement get the best of me.....(while I secretly cry and pray to God as I'm driving to work and from work each day).

And only a couple of hours passed and I got my beta results from yesterday, which was probably around 14dpo, based on past cycles (didn't monitor this one). This number crushed me.... I couldn't even bring myself to tell hubby yet, cause I'm afraid I'm gonna have a meltdown in the middle of my work day. I'll tell him tonight and we'll probably keep hoping but brace ourselves for the next results!

I'll go in tomorrow morning to get blood drawn, which will be about 46-47 hours after the first one. I want to think that everything will be ok, but in the back of my mind I just can't right now!!! The "WHAT IF" kills me. I wish I can see PIGS FLYING again!!!!!

I'll probably stop to a church on my way home and light a candle and say a long prayer................................

Doc Appointment Results

So today was my appointment at 6 months after the miscarriage. Officially this is the time when we're supposed to start trying again (we never stopped trying, for the record).

It was such a brief meeting, just discussing next steps and game plan for months to come.

First things first, I was told to stop using OPKs and charting because it causes too much stress, and i had to agree because I found that out on my own, the frustration is endless, and I'm a pretty emotional person, so I take it the hard way.

After a short discussion I was told that hubby doesn't have to redo the spermogram, but that we both have to go in for a genetic testing, because of the pregnancy that was stopped in evolution. I guess they want to rule out genetic malformations or problems so that we don't have to go through that again.

Apart from that I was given a long list of tests (super expensive, by the way) to do on the next cycle. They mostly include immunology markers and virology markers, such as Listeria, Taxoplasmosis, Gonoreea, Herpes (several kinds), and the usual Vaginal and Cervical Secretions (sorry TMI). By the end of it I may have a clue if anything is wrong or I may not, but for sure I'll be broke!!!

At my clinic they offer some of the tests for free with my insurance, but the rest (and there's a whole lot of them) are gonna break my budget for a while.... : (

Oh, and I forgot to mention that after I'm done with all these tests, I still have to do an HSG (Histerosalpingogram)... real bummer.... I'm kinda scared of it!

Here's hoping for an absurd miracle that AF doesn't show up this month and I don't have to go through the probing process..... I know... pigs can't fly... Jules reminded us the other day.....

Near End-Of Cycle Update

Today is CD 24 ( I had to check FF, cause I didn't even know it), and this has been a down-time cycle. I was taking a break from TTC and it's good that this was so or I would've been so frustrated.

Around my normal ovulation time hubby got super sick with really high fever (39.1 Celcius) and chills, coughing, the works, so needless to say our BD was almost in-existent. Since I'm not trying this month, I'm not frustrated about it, but I am worried that the high fever will affect coming months as well.

I've read in a TTC book that high fever kills sperm or at least affects them quite a bit and that it takes about 3 months for the body to produce fresh sperm. So my biggest concern at this time is that this incident puts us back another 3 months in our journey and that to me is just sad because it'll be past the due date of the August baby that miscarried. In my head I was hoping to fall preggo before that deadline and figured I would cope with that date a lot better if I was "expecting".

I was able to talk to my Infertility Specialist today (who is also my uncle, distant uncle, but best in the country) and unfortunatelly he is super sick as well, so he asked me to call him on Thursday night and see if he's feeling better and can see us on Friday morning.
I'm really looking forward in seeing him because I trust him a lot and I want to have a clear game plan for the months to come.
I'll be sure to update once we have the appointment! Have an awesome V-day everyone!!!