I guess it's a good thing that I didn't get to put up that week 5 hopeful update on this blog, cause I just came to realize how stupid I was to get so hopeful and wishful.... all the praying in the world couldn't prevent this from happening and I am just speechless at this point.
Beta HCG went down from last week, which means only one thing... baby stopped growing and a miscarriage is imminent.... and I know best of all that no one and nothing can stop it from happening.
I am frustrated, and mad, and confused, and I wanna punch someone in the face, but don't know who, cause it's really nobody's fault! I just don't understand this great plan that God has for me.... I just don't get it!
Showing posts with label beta. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beta. Show all posts
Monday, March 5, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
BFP with issues of its own!!!
Wow, I dread writting this blog now, I wish I made time yesterday to do a vlog so you could've seen how happy I was! I was over the moon this morning as I peed on a Digital Clearblue test and it showed that beautiful + sign in under a minute.... I put it in a pretty box and hid it at the bottom of hubby's birthday present!
I woke him up, way to early, cause it was the first time I took a digital and didn't know how long it stays on after you take it. He saw his present and then I had to tell him to dig to the bottom to find the box. So he looked at the boxed and leaned in the kiss me, and I told him it's more important what's inside.... so he opened it.... he was in shock, as I was the day before when I found out! We didn't expect this at all this cycle... to quote my previous post, I didn't think PIGS could FLY... and here they were.....
And then, after a moment of joy.... that all too familiar face came on... the "WHAT IF" face..... I know it all too well! And I knew.... he couldn't be happy with all his heart until he knew it was all ok.... and the truth is.... so am I, only that I get my excitement get the best of me.....(while I secretly cry and pray to God as I'm driving to work and from work each day).
And only a couple of hours passed and I got my beta results from yesterday, which was probably around 14dpo, based on past cycles (didn't monitor this one). This number crushed me.... I couldn't even bring myself to tell hubby yet, cause I'm afraid I'm gonna have a meltdown in the middle of my work day. I'll tell him tonight and we'll probably keep hoping but brace ourselves for the next results!
I'll go in tomorrow morning to get blood drawn, which will be about 46-47 hours after the first one. I want to think that everything will be ok, but in the back of my mind I just can't right now!!! The "WHAT IF" kills me. I wish I can see PIGS FLYING again!!!!!
I'll probably stop to a church on my way home and light a candle and say a long prayer................................
I woke him up, way to early, cause it was the first time I took a digital and didn't know how long it stays on after you take it. He saw his present and then I had to tell him to dig to the bottom to find the box. So he looked at the boxed and leaned in the kiss me, and I told him it's more important what's inside.... so he opened it.... he was in shock, as I was the day before when I found out! We didn't expect this at all this cycle... to quote my previous post, I didn't think PIGS could FLY... and here they were.....
And then, after a moment of joy.... that all too familiar face came on... the "WHAT IF" face..... I know it all too well! And I knew.... he couldn't be happy with all his heart until he knew it was all ok.... and the truth is.... so am I, only that I get my excitement get the best of me.....(while I secretly cry and pray to God as I'm driving to work and from work each day).
And only a couple of hours passed and I got my beta results from yesterday, which was probably around 14dpo, based on past cycles (didn't monitor this one). This number crushed me.... I couldn't even bring myself to tell hubby yet, cause I'm afraid I'm gonna have a meltdown in the middle of my work day. I'll tell him tonight and we'll probably keep hoping but brace ourselves for the next results!
I'll go in tomorrow morning to get blood drawn, which will be about 46-47 hours after the first one. I want to think that everything will be ok, but in the back of my mind I just can't right now!!! The "WHAT IF" kills me. I wish I can see PIGS FLYING again!!!!!
I'll probably stop to a church on my way home and light a candle and say a long prayer................................
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