Bad omen ?

Hey everyone! I'm gonna start this blog by mentioning how  much I love spring! It is my favorite season by far, and it's also when I'm born. My bday is next week, but I must say that I was never into celebrating it.... I don't like being sang to (happy bday and such), I like receiving flowers and gifts, but I don't make a big deal out of it, and I don't like throwing parties for it, cause they always turn out bad..... I can't remember a single bday party that I liked or that went on without any incidents...

That being said.... this has been a sad month so far. If last month we were celebrating my hubby's bday with a BFP, this month I'm celebrating my bday with a MC..... just figures...

Last wednesday was International Womens Day, which is kinda of a big deal here, cause it's also Mother's Day. I got a lot of flowers at work, but because I work also with my mom, and she wasn't in the office that day, everyone left her flowers on my desk as well... so I obviously had 2 of each at any point in time.

Well, you may ask yourself how beautiful spring flowers can be a bad omen and I don't know if this is the same in other cultures, but over here even numbered flowers are only taken to funerals. So I didn't like seeing them on my desk of course.

Come Friday I started bleeding and I started taking the meds that my doc gave me. Needless to say I felt pretty shitty all weekend, between cramps, bleeding, and a ton of side-effects from the meds, which included hyperventilation, accelerated pulse, high blood pressure, upset stomach and so on....

Last night, although it was pretty much over... just spotting a bit... I had the weirdest dream ever. It never happened to me before to have a dream within a dream, but last night was a first! I have to mention that seeing a baby in your dreams is also believed to be a bad omen here, a sign of illness or even death!

I was dreaming that I was miscarrying and that between all those cramps I gave birth to a baby girl, and I freaked out, I couldn't understand what had happened, how could the doctors been wrong? doing some weird calculation in my head (in my dream) I figured I was about 20 weeks preggo and I must've bled throughout the pregnancy cause I didn't know I was....
I was at my mother's house and they were all so happy to see the girl, but then I took a trip somewhere and when i saw my mom again I asked her where the baby was.... and she said What baby? were you dreaming? And I realized I must've dreamt it and woken up from a dream, but it seemed so real..... did I really just dreamt about holding my baby girl? It was so weird......
The dream continued for a while with me confused about what had happened and missing a plane I was supposed to get on and just weird stuff like that.

When I was woke up for real it was about 2:30am, I was still freaked out and confused..... that dream within the dream felt so real.... so palpable....it terrified me....

I don't know if it's a bad omen of things to come or if it's just a reflection of what I'm going through, but it scared me, it left me wondering...